BEST FRIEND???

I liked you the first time you smiled at me.
I may not admit it coz we met at the wrong time.
But i know i'm not being honest with myself,
until we became friends & got closer w/each other.
From then on we shared many things,
your pals & mine group into one, cause of us.

I thought then, i'd like you to be
My "Best Friend", even though
I'm aware of our differences,
Still i wanted it to be you,
Because that's how i valued you.
'Coz i thought, all the while
you also really like my company.
For i'm unconscious of the fact,
--- that you're suffocated already.

So, not knowing it would be the end of
our friendship w/c i've say, had just started.
Thought you cared enough that
you'd give me little importance
and remember me sometimes...

But i was wrong, very wrong.
And it hurts coz though you're aware ---
That i am already hurt inside
You still didn't show,
you cared for our friendship.
Instead, you've avoided me abruptly
and left me behind...
It hurts me a lot, i felt the
friendship was one-sided
and i've had to admit that too.

Guess the blame would be on me,
for not trying so hard to
get out of my dream world...
A world of make belief.
It's just perfect for me ---
'coz it happens every time i thought
i already had a person, that i can
consider one of my Best Friends.

I mold them to like me for,
who and what i am and would accept me.
And not for who and what they wanted
me to be, to understand me and be honest
with me as much as i am to them.
Not knowing that i'm already
over throwing myself... im so naive
that i couldn't actually please everyone.
Giving too much care, love, honesty
and trust hurts me, all over again.
It's then i realized, nobody cared enough,
even a bit as much as i did...

After all this time, i thought
You could be my best friend, or
so i thought you were... But damn it!
It's all the same with you.

And now i'm starting to feel sorry for myself.
Because what happened w/the others before
repeat itself with you again.
It's hard to face the truth but,
I know i had to blame myself, not you.
So, no use pretending that you're still here.
For now, it's just right to drift ---
In my own world again naturally...

To patch up the things that i've left,
But my hope is still there to have ---
A "Best Friend" just right here with me.
In spite of what happened between us,
i'm still hoping it is you.
But this time, it will be a different me.
For i already know my limitations and
for you've hurt me sooo deep.

I guess you're right, that
i must not show too much care for someone.
It might only frustrate me nor
suffocate a friend, ones more...
But i still thank thee, for i know you have
A part in improving me, as a better person, now...


Note: Originally Written last Feb. 25, 2001 and
          Posted on blogstream March 8, 2009

"...IF U DONT WANNA END UP W/A LOSING END,
LEARN TO VALUE & LOVE THE PERSON,
WHO BOTH VALUED & LOVED YOU.
CAUSE NOTHING IS FOREVER. ---
THOUGH LONG LASTING IS POSSIBLE,
BUT STILL NOT FOREVER..."

"OUR FRIENDSHIP, THAT I ADORE"

One day I've met you

And it wasn't planned at all.

Yet we easily clicked together

You've accepted my friendship

And so did i on you...

In such a short period of time

Your friendship means a lot to me.

You are my dear friend &

You are so special to me...

When you're sad, I'm affected.

Because i have learned

to love you much, & for that

I let you know me more ---

More than anybody else,

That I have became close with.

Honestly, i find it strange

Cause i cant explain how?

Nor do i know why?, either...

But still I've let you know me

through whats on my mind

And what's inside my heart.

The hidden emotions that,

I've kept from other people ---

I've allowed you to know, somehow.

You've known me like no one else does.

Ever since, i have known you

I can't seemed to hide ---

any secrets from you...

Which is unusual of me,

Cause i actually am not use to

Spill everything out to my friends

What's inside my thoughts.

Most of my friends then, complained.

That I'm unfair & mysterious.

Before you came into my life,

I have never let anybody know me,

Like the way you're knowing me now...

I don't want to feel vulnerable.

For me, my emotions are mine

To deal with & certainly not yours.

Yet with you, i can't seemed to

Refrain myself from telling you

without you even forcing me to...

It's like i have known you

All my life, even if i just

Met you not too long ago...

And i like to know you more.

But the more i want to know you

Even better each time we talk,

the more i seemed to make things

harder for you and i messed-up.

The more I'm being transparent w/you

I somehow seemed to spoil your day

And pisses you off, unintentionally.

And i made you mad at me, instead.

It's like my being impulsive

On things that i would say of you,

Usually gets through your nerves.

And as your friend, it hurts me.

I feel like i don't have the right

To just speak up what i felt,

What i thought of you and ---

Most especially, i shouldn't

get hurt by your cursing words

when it comes to things about you.

Cause i might only make you

Angry and be annoyed at me...

I don't want me to be the reason

for you to feel bad that way.

I don't want to cause any pain on you

Because of what i would like

to say or do, next time...

It's actually hurting me

each time, I've irritated you.

By the things I've said, that

i didn't really mean to...

I don't know how to know you ---

Even better anymore, without

Causing any damage in our friendship.

Without you getting mad & hurt,

--- because of me...

I love you my friend,

You are so dear to me...

But i just don't know how

to be a better friend for you.

For that, i can't afford

Pissing you off, of me.

I don't want to keep ---

Making you feel bad in any way,

only because i messed-up

with my words again and again.

I can't afford to be one

Of the reasons why you're mad.

Cause i definitely don't like

how I'm makin' you feel

When i mess-up on you...

So I'm thinking from now on

I better off control myself,

From knowing you even more...

I think you're right, i shouldn't

Expect too much from you...

So, i will try to keep

my distance from you,

even if it will hurt me so badly.

For i know, it will hurt me more,

When one day will come ---

that, i might not be able to

understand you like the way

I'm doing now, same as you're

Trying to understand me.

i also don't want us to come to

a point where both of us,

won't be this patient with

each other and regret after wards.

So i'd rather be hurt,

Than hurt you my friend...

For I'm only a person who also gets mad

When I'm already deeply hurt.  

Note: Posted in blogstream last April 18, 2009

"I'D RATHER BE HURT, THAN HURT YOU...!"

One day I've met you

And it wasn't planned at all.

Yet we easily clicked together

You've accepted my friendship

And so did i on you...

In such a short period of time

Your friendship means a lot to me.

You are my dear friend &

You are so special to me...

When you're sad, I'm affected.

Because i have learned

to love you much, & for that

I let you know me more ---

More than anybody else that,

I have became close with.

Honestly, i find it strange

Cause i cant explain how?

Nor do i know why?, either...

But still I've let you know me

through whats on my mind

And what's inside my heart.

The hidden emotions that,

I've kept from other people ---

I've allowed you to know, somehow.

You've known me like no one else does.

Ever since, i have known you

I can't seemed to hide ---

any secrets from you...

Which is unusual of me,

Cause i actually am not use to

Spill everything out to my friends

What's inside my thoughts.

Most of my friends then, complained.

That I'm unfair & mysterious.

Cause before you came into my life,

I have never let anybody know me,

Like the way you're knowing me now...

I don't want to feel vulnerable.

For me, my emotions are mine

To deal with & certainly not yours.

Yet with you, i can't seemed to

Refrain myself from telling you

without you even forcing me to...

It's like i have known you

All my life, even if i just

Met you not too long ago...

And i like to know you more.

But the more i want to know you

Even better each time we talk,

the more i seemed to make things

harder for you and i messed-up.

The more I'm being transparent w/you

I somehow seemed to spoil your day

And pisses you off, unintentionally.

And i made you mad at me, instead.

It's like my being impulsive

On things that i would say of you,

Usually gets through your nerves.

And as your friend, it hurts me.

I feel like i don't have the right

To just speak up what i felt,

What i thought of you and ---

Most especially, i shouldn't

get hurt by your cursing words

when it comes to things about you.

Cause i might only make you

Angry and be annoyed at me...

I don't want me to be the reason

for you to feel bad that way.

I don't want to cause any pain on you

Because of what i would like

to say or do, next time...

It's actually hurting me

each time, I've irritated you.

By the things I've said, that

i didn't really mean to...

I don't know how to know you ---

Even better anymore, without

Causing any damage in our friendship.

Without you getting mad & hurt,

--- because of me...

I love you my friend,

You are so dear to me...

But i just don't know how

to be a better friend for you.

For that, i can't afford

Pissing you off, of me.

I don't want to keep ---

Making you feel bad in any way,

only because i messed-up

with my words again and again.

I can't afford to be one

Of the reasons why you're mad.

Cause i definitely don't like

how I'm makin' you feel

When i mess-up on you...

So I'm thinking from now on

I better off control myself,

From knowing you even more...

I think you're right, i shouldn't

Expect too much from you...

So, i will try to keep

my distance from you,

even if it will hurt me so badly.

For i know, it will hurt me more,

When one day will come ---

that, i might not be able to

understand you like the way

I'm doing now, same as you're

Trying to understand me.

i also don't want us to come to

a point where both of us,

won't be this patient with

each other and regret after wards.

So i'd rather be hurt,

Than hurt you my friend...

For I'm only a person who also gets mad

When I'm already deeply hurt.  

Note: Posted in blogstream last April 18, 2009

Feelings Burning in Fire!

Feelings burning in fire

Mind's confused

Trapped in Nowhere

Everything looks indistinct.

Can't think straight

Frozen in time again,

Wanted to see what's beyond

What's across life?

Not seeing anything,

It's point blank

It's getting darker & darker

Leaning towards senseless thoughts.

That's like a quick sand

Pulling me down, eating me alive.

Soul's drifting in a wild stream

Stroke by lightning & thunder storm.

What's going on???

I'm nervous, I can't breathe.

I see nothing, but fear.

I hear nothing, but my scream.

Screaming for help...

Or is it really for help?

Or am i screaming out on anger?

I don't know...

Note: One of my Old Post from blogstream

KISMET

I’m here and you're there,
We're half the world's apart
but we met somehow.
You're like a gravity,
that's pulling me into you.
A magnet that I can’t
get off, out of my heart...
You're running inside my mind
Every single second of the day.
I didn’t pay much attention
Of what I’ve felt for you then
Nor was I aware
Of what it really was...
And it used to work
For I’ve fallen for someone else.
Someone who still means
a lot to me ‘til the very end.

...Until one day I woke up
Even if I know it’s wrong
But I can’t control myself,
From not wanting you to be mine
I really can’t stop me ---
But i love the thoughts of you.
I tried to deny it,
What I feel for you.
And I know that u also feel,
The same way as I have for you.
It astonished me how deep and
strong i felt connected w/you.
Which sometimes scares me somehow.
Because it is not
Supposed to be this way,
On how I wanted us to start
A romantic relationship...
It’s complicated, but it happens
You certainly got my heart
And I have no regrets ---
'Cause I have you,
Now in my life.

...Never had this kind of
Connection with others before
but just with you now.
And now I know
That it’s our destiny
To meet & be in love
with each other, ---
In this different life time.
May we end up together
Or not some day.
I still can honestly say,
My journey in this world
is already complete.
For I have met you...

SOULMATE

You connects with me
Through my heart & soul
You're the one
My heart loves...
You're the one
My soul longs for...
Ever since we've met
you know how to brighten up
my day & make me smile
even when i find it hard to...
You have always been there,
for me and with me.
Every time i needed
somebody to talk to ---
You're always the one
that comes to my mind,
without you knowing it.
You're the person,
who completes the void
inside my heart.
You're the person,
who connects through my soul.
You're the person,
that I'm so in love with...
I'm very lucky ---
you feel the same way for me.
I'm glad you're all mine,
'Cause I'm all yours too.
For you are my soulmate.
And I love you so much,
with all my heart...