BEST FRIEND???

I liked you the first time you smiled at me.
I may not admit it coz we met at the wrong time.
But i know i'm not being honest with myself,
until we became friends & got closer w/each other.
From then on we shared many things,
your pals & mine group into one, cause of us.

I thought then, i'd like you to be
My "Best Friend", even though
I'm aware of our differences,
Still i wanted it to be you,
Because that's how i valued you.
'Coz i thought, all the while
you also really like my company.
For i'm unconscious of the fact,
--- that you're suffocated already.

So, not knowing it would be the end of
our friendship w/c i've say, had just started.
Thought you cared enough that
you'd give me little importance
and remember me sometimes...

But i was wrong, very wrong.
And it hurts coz though you're aware ---
That i am already hurt inside
You still didn't show,
you cared for our friendship.
Instead, you've avoided me abruptly
and left me behind...
It hurts me a lot, i felt the
friendship was one-sided
and i've had to admit that too.

Guess the blame would be on me,
for not trying so hard to
get out of my dream world...
A world of make belief.
It's just perfect for me ---
'coz it happens every time i thought
i already had a person, that i can
consider one of my Best Friends.

I mold them to like me for,
who and what i am and would accept me.
And not for who and what they wanted
me to be, to understand me and be honest
with me as much as i am to them.
Not knowing that i'm already
over throwing myself... im so naive
that i couldn't actually please everyone.
Giving too much care, love, honesty
and trust hurts me, all over again.
It's then i realized, nobody cared enough,
even a bit as much as i did...

After all this time, i thought
You could be my best friend, or
so i thought you were... But damn it!
It's all the same with you.

And now i'm starting to feel sorry for myself.
Because what happened w/the others before
repeat itself with you again.
It's hard to face the truth but,
I know i had to blame myself, not you.
So, no use pretending that you're still here.
For now, it's just right to drift ---
In my own world again naturally...

To patch up the things that i've left,
But my hope is still there to have ---
A "Best Friend" just right here with me.
In spite of what happened between us,
i'm still hoping it is you.
But this time, it will be a different me.
For i already know my limitations and
for you've hurt me sooo deep.

I guess you're right, that
i must not show too much care for someone.
It might only frustrate me nor
suffocate a friend, ones more...
But i still thank thee, for i know you have
A part in improving me, as a better person, now...


Note: Originally Written last Feb. 25, 2001 and
          Posted on blogstream March 8, 2009

"...IF U DONT WANNA END UP W/A LOSING END,
LEARN TO VALUE & LOVE THE PERSON,
WHO BOTH VALUED & LOVED YOU.
CAUSE NOTHING IS FOREVER. ---
THOUGH LONG LASTING IS POSSIBLE,
BUT STILL NOT FOREVER..."